The Real Difference Between Men and Women

Beanie-Weenies (him)

2 cans Van Camp’s pork and beans
1 package Oscar Meyer wieners, cut up
¼ cup (approximately) Heinz’s ketchup
¼ cup (approximately) brown sugar

Put everything in a pot and heat it up. Serve with Pepsi and soda crackers. Feeds one woman, and one man who has been chopping wood all afternoon.

Beanie-Weenies (her)

1 lb. link sausages or kielbasa
1 onion, peeled and thinly sliced
1 clove garlic, smashed with a little salt
2 cans cannellini or Great Northern beans
1 can diced tomatoes, with juice
1 t. sugar
1 t. wine vinegar

Slice the sausages into thin disks with a very sharp knife. Johnsonville brats will do for this if you don’t have a good local purveyor of pork sausage. Italian sweet sausages are also very good.

Set a heavy pan on medium-high heat and sauté the sausages. Do not brown them; you are just getting all of the fat out. When they have rendered up their juices, remove them with a slotted spoon onto a bowl or plate lines with paper towels, to drain.

Pour off all but about 2 tablespoons of the sausage fat. Turn the heat down slightly and cook the onions, scraping up any bits of sausage that might have stuck to the pan. When they are limp, add the garlic. Cook these together just long enough for the garlic to, as they say, saporire, become savory. You’ll know it when you smell it.

Pour in the tomatoes, add the sugar and wine vinegar (balsamic vinegar is even better, if you have it), and let this cook for a few minutes. Add the beans, rinsed and drained, and the sausages. Taste and add salt if need be, but canned beans usually make it salty enough. Heat until the tomatoes begin to bubble and the sausages are cooked through. Season with fresh-ground black pepper and serve with thickly buttered country bread and cold beer. Feeds four.

Oh, and the real difference between men and women? He won’t touch my version.