Sunday, November 29, 2009

“Hey, Watch Me Do This…”

There is an urban myth to the effect that this phrase is the single most common prelude to a 911 call. I sometimes think that there is a culinary equivalent -- somebody reaches into a cupboard and pulls out something, usually some type of soup, and then tries to demonstrate that this really will work, honest. Many of these people are employed by major food companies but others (like the person who developed the pastrami egg roll recipe I recently ran across) have no such excuse.

There is a weird fascination to these recipes that compels an otherwise sane person to try them. And, oddly enough, most of them involve a slow cooker.

(warning: do not try these at home. Actually, do try them, and then let me know how they turn out, because I certainly can’t get away with serving any of them to the spousal unit. He firmly believes that life in this vale of tears would be much more bearable if I would limit myself to cooking only those dishes his mother used to make).

Tomato Soup Chicken

1 package frozen chicken pieces
1 can tomato soup

“Dump one package of frozen chicken pieces into a crockpot. Add one can of tomato soup. Cook on high for 6 ½ hours.”

Awesome Slow Cooker Pot Roast

2 (10.75 oz) cans of cream of mushroom soup
1 (1 ounce) package of dried onion soup mix
1 ¼ cups water
5 ½ lb pot roast

“In the slow cooker, mix cream of mushroom soup, dry onion soup mix and water. Place pot roast in slow cooker and coat with soup mixture. Cook on High setting for 3 to 4 hours, or on Low setting for 8 to 9 hours.”

Apricot Chicken

1 bottle Russian dressing (16 oz)
1 envelope onion soup mix
1 jar apricot preserves (10 oz)
4 –6 pieces chicken
seasoned salt and pepper to taste

“Combine Russian dressing, apricot preserves and onion soup mix in bowl and pour into the crockpot. Sprinkle the chicken with seasoned salt and pepper. Place chicken, skin side down, in slow cooker. Cook on LOW for 6 to 8 hours (HIGH 3 to four hours).”

I believe the above recipe is also called Chicken Awful-Awful. If anyone has a personal favorite candidate for Recipe Least Likely To Succeed, send it to me, please. I promise to post the worst ones.

15 comments:

Ms. B said...

Gosh, these remind me of some of the recipes I've tried from vintage cookbooks in the past. It can be a terrible thing for your taste buds when curiosity gets the better of your judgment :/

Packrat said...

Hmmmm these do sound awful.

Pat aka Posh said...

My hub would be calling Pizza Hut :)

Anonymous said...

re: Awesome Slow Cooker Pot Roast

I'll try anything. Last night I made this WITH the addition of 32 oz of [yikes!] Diet Pepsi. The roast was good, actually, but the husband would not tough the juices, due to the Diet Pepsi, which seemed a waste. For true weirdness, google chocolate cake in a coffee cup. (spoiler alert: DOES NOT WORK)

RavenzTarot said...

OK SHOOT ME,

I have tried one of these recipes yes the but i be leive the name was "mommy worked a double shift and she doesnt want to cook pot roast" or "eat and like it pot roast.

Rochelle R. said...

I like canned tomato soup and use it in several recipes but just soup and chicken sounds yucky, if you threw in some drained salsa it might be OK. One of my blogs is called Weird Recipes. A lot of them are what I call "trying to use an ingredient where is doesn't belong". IE fish chili!

Michelle said...

That tomato soup chicken sounds truly depressing.

Shay said...

Anonymous: Diet Pepsi?? Really????

beadntat said...

Actually, the "original" version called for a bottle of Coca-Cola -- the REAL thing -- and it isn't half-bad. The enzymes in the Coke break down the toughness in the meat. I'm not so sure that Diet Pepsi would have the same result, though I've not tried it...after all I'm a G.R.I.T.S. girl and we drink Cokes around these here parts ;-}

As for the Chicken with Russian Dressing, I don't remember using an entire jar of the preserves, but I do remember that this recipe was extremely popular amongst my friends and co-workers when I lived in Utah. It was *the* favorite chicken recipe of one of my Nurse Managers. I've always rather liked it...as long as the proportions are just right (we used a whole chicken or ~2-2.5 lbs of chicken parts). Just a quick disclaimer.... they do like some rather interesting things in Utah (ie. shredded carrots in green Jello, etc.) VBG!

Shay said...

Shredded carrots in green Jello? Disgusting!

Everyone knows shredded carrots should only be used in orange Jello.

Packrat said...

Nah, it was always shredded carrots and sometimes chopped celery in lime or lemon jello. Sometimes Gram would even add raisins. This wasn't just a Utah thing, but it might have been a Western thing. BTW, just thinking about this "salad" makes me shudder.

Also, my mom always poured Coke in the roaster when she made oven pot roast. It was really good.

sewducky said...

Well, I've tried, and still make, the first two. The last one you guys are on your own.

The chicken is bland, and I don't like chicken anyway, BUT you can add spices to it to make it more tasty or use it as a base for chicken you're going to put into soup (since mime is a meal one night with cheese and soup after that).

The pot roast is actually pretty good. It kind of gives it a stroganoff vibe, and to be honest I usually serve it over noodles with sour cream mixed in to make it that. It does come out tender, but I like mushroom soup anyway. I also tend to use milk instead of water.

The coke in meat...I always thought it was a can of coke for brisket, another meal I dislike. It does make it tender and gives it a good flavor, but that requires me to like brisket, which is up there with chicken.

Shay said...

I've found one to match the queasiness quotient of the tomato soup dish.

http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes.aspx/chicken-curry/e28a2330-61f2-4075-ba22-afa22687c6cf?WT.dcsvid=NDk2OTMzNjUzMgS2&rvrin=E556AF77-C635-4E5D-BFDE-230D8A8C8E67&WT.mc_id=Newsletter_DME_12_06_2009

Chicken curry made with Tuna Helper and 2 teaspoons of curry powder.

Packrat said...

Can. Not. Look. I just read Roxanne's blog post about liver loaf (like meat loaf). I'm still queasy from that.

Craft Stew said...

I've had the Apricot Chicken a dozen times and it is delicious. My mother-in-law made it all the time and it was/is a family favorite. Just goes to show you really can't tell how a recipe tastes just by a list of ingredients.